May I vent for a minute? Recently I have heard several comments from people that seem to be fear based. They include indications of “needing to change themselves” and “stressing about what is wrong with themselves.” These same individuals also seemed to be obsessed with worry, blame, criticism, and a victim mentality. As I look around these beliefs and behaviors seem to be generally accepted the norm. I am seeing so much of this that I am going to be so bold as to say that worry, criticism, blame and playing the victim are addictions. Why do I say that? Addictions give us a pay off, something that makes us feel better. So you might be asking what benefit is there in worrying, blaming, criticism or being a victim? What is the payoff? How can they be addictions? Let me share an example with you:
I know a woman that is the poster child for being loving, selfless and kind. I don’t think I have ever heard her speak ill of anyone. She is also a big worrier. She worries about anything and everything. Her family and friends tell her not to worry, that they are ok, but nothing seems to extinguish the consistent worrying. Her husband is a church going man who loves his family. But, in my experience of being in their presence, I have witnessed him belittling her opening in front of all who are present. He talks down to her and it is obvious that his words and actions make her feel bad. And as a witness to this belittling behavior, it is often very uncomfortable to be around them.
Over the years she has started to get sick; one serious illness after another. She’s experienced great pain and suffering. At times when she is very sick, her husband attends to her every need and is very kind and loving to her. One day when I was visiting her she said to me with such joy, “He has been so kind and sweet, he is taking such good care of me!”
Do you know someone like this? Someone who worries so much that their identity is wrapped up in worrying? Or maybe the person you know is constantly blaming someone else for all of their “bad luck in life” and complaining about how hard it is. Or do you know the “victim” who just can’t catch a break, everything is always going wrong in their world? Maybe you know someone who is a little (or a lot) of all of these things. Has the person you know experienced any physical illness as a result of their negative attitudes?
By now you can probably see how these behaviors can become addictive. But what is the payoff for these behaviors?
Let’s go back to my example. Here is a kind woman who is addicted to worrying. We know this because it is her go to behavior, and she doesn’t go a day without exercising it. She is married to man who seems to feel that “putting her in her place” is appropriate. Over the years she has experienced serious illness again and again.
What is the payoff for her?
We are all familiar with the concept of agency. With agency we are free to make choices in this life and then experience the consequences for our choices. Let’s broaden that concept a little, or a lot! Let’s explore the option that the agency that we enjoy, we have always had, even before we came to this earth. That would mean that we had the choice and most likely participated in creating the life we are living now. (Hmm, if we had a part in creating our world, then we can’t be a victim of our experiences because it was our choice, interesting!) In that realm before this earthly life, we had not yet forgotten much of what we now do not recall. In that place we most likely made choices about our earthly life that seem harsh and hard to understand to us now in our earthly state.
In the past when I have expressed thoughts like these to people I’ve been met with criticism and disbelief. This reaction caused me to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself to avoid the mocking comments. Of course people are going to dispute my ideas; if they agreed with me then they would have to take responsibility for their life which they probably do not like!
In my recent study and meditation I have an even greater convictions of these beliefs. I understand that God is Love. All that He is and does comes from love. He created us in his image, which means that we are love just as he is love. If he created us in his image, how could anything be wrong with us? He taught us and prepared us and then gave us agency, and we made choices about the life experience we wanted here on earth.
I can hear some of your thoughts: “If that is true, then what about the 3rd world countries? What about horrible accidents, untimely deaths, and illnesses, poverty, the homelessness, innocent people being hurt, natural disasters . . .?” The list could go on and on. I will be the first to admit that I do not have all the answers. I do know that there is a greater power and purpose at work here than any of us can fully comprehend.
Let’s go back to my friend again. If this is true, why would she choose to be sick and suffer? I can only make guesses. I have witnessed her husband being kinder and more loving since she got sick. Not just to her but to everyone. Could she have known that her suffering would have given him the opportunity to be more loving. Would a person choose to suffer to serve the higher good of someone she loves?
I admit that I do not know why she made the choices she made. I have my thoughts about it and I’m sure you have yours. I do know that observing her experiences has made me be more conscious of my life, my choices, my feelings, and the results that show up in my life.
As the reality that I have created my world continues to sink in, I find myself paying closer attention to my feelings. Instead of focusing energy on”what I need to change” or “what is wrong with me” I choose to “Remember” who I really am. Fear is not from the Father, all that is from Him comes from Love.
As I pause, and pay attention to my feelings I am better able to make choices that serve my highest good. From this place of Love (instead of fear), I am more able to choose gratitude instead of feeling the victim. It is my wish to choose love instead of blame. I am finding it more easy to find joy over the simplest of things. I smile more and laugh a lot. I love life and choose to reach out to others in love. I choose to surround myself with people who also choose love, gratitude and joy in their lives.
I Choose to “Remember” my divinity and live my life through love. I choose to live my life out loud as I pursue my Passion for Life!
Do You “Remember” Who You Are? What choices are you making in your life? What is your Passion for Life?
I would love to hear from you. Please comment below!
If you agree with me I’d like to know. If you have a question or just a comment please share it with me. If you don’t agree with me, I would love to hear about that too. It is my intent to reach out in love to you and encourage you to find your Passion for Life!
