Perception is our beliefs based on our experiences. What this means is that we base our beliefs on experiences we have had in the past. Our perceptions become our truths, our opinions, the quality of our relationships, our position in an argument and they can even affect the quality of our lives. Just because we experience the world in a certain way does not mean the world actually exists that way. In fact acting on our perceptions can sometimes get us in trouble.
I have always studied, observed and prepared before I acted. By the time I act on something I have formed a “perception” about the situation and am pretty sure I know what I am doing.
For example: When I was a young girl about 9 or 10 we went to visit my grandparents. Now, my grandma was known for her cooking and baking. It was always enjoyable to visit her because we knew that we would be treated to a yummy feast. On one particular visit she was cooking dinner on the stove. I watched her as she stirred, tasted, add salt and pepper and then let it simmer some more. I observed her as she performed this same routine several times. Well, I tried to be a helpful child and I loved to please people. So when she was out of the kitchen I went over to the stove. I picked up the spoon, stirred the food, added some salt, and stirred again. When Grandma came in I proudly told her that I had stirred the food and added some salt for her. To my surprise she was NOT happy that I had added salt to the food she was cooking. This is one of my first recollections of doing something when I thought was going to please someone, only to have it backfire in my face.
Have you ever found yourself in an situation or an argument and you have no idea how it even got to that point? If this hasn’t happened to you, you are not human!
Ever since childhood, we have been trained to look for “one right answer.” In school we learned that things were true or false or right or wrong. When someone is sure that they have the “right answer” they can no longer see that there might be more possibilities in the situation. When we are not open to the possibility that there is more that one way to look at something, a simple statement can end up being totally misunderstood.
A few years after the scolding I got from grandma I had another experience learning about perception. I was a young teenager by this time. Christmas was coming and I was trying to figure out the perfect gift for my father. I paid attention to what he did, where he went and how he dressed. I noted that he wore a business suit, dress socks and shoes to work each day. As I studied his wardrobe I noticed that his sock collection looked really boring. All he had were blue, brown, and black socks. That’s when I got my great idea! I noticed that he did not have any yellow socks! I was so excited that I had thought of something to get him that he didn’t have. I went shopping, found the perfect yellow socks, wrapped them and was so excited to give them to him. Well, to my disappointment, when he opened them, he said thanks, but without much enthusiasm. I shrugged that off. As the weeks went on I to watch him each day and noticed that he never wore his yellow socks. I finally got up the courage to ask him why he didn’t wear the gift I gave him. He, in a kind way told me that he didn’t wear yellow socks. My young spirit was crushed. But I learned that my Dad the College Professor enjoyed having what I thought was a boring wardrobe of socks. Neither of us was right or wrong, we each just had our own fashion perception.
Through these experiences (and many others!) I have learned that each of us can have our individual perceptions of the same things. One is not necessarily right and the other wrong. If something is right for me it doesn’t mean that your perception is wrong.
We can learn a lot in life if we are willing to look at things from another perspective. It is a wonderful tool that will enhance our lives and relationships. We can discover a whole new world when we are open to learning. When we are willing to move off our position, and be receptive to viewing things from a different perspective, our perception of our world will be different. More people will feel seen and heard and relationships will be strengthened. And that my friends is something we can all do to make this world a better place!
