Do you ask for a hug when you are feeling lonely, sad or hurt? OR Do you shrink inward and choose to withdraw?
These cute puppies do not hesitate to let you know when they need a hug. In fact they don’t have to be lonely, sad or hurt to ask for your affection. They just love to be loved. Anytime you sit down they are in your lap and they wiggle their nose under your hand to be petted. They will paw at you to get you to play. They will follow you from room to room just to be in your presence. It is easy to know that they love you, and want to receive love in return.
Young children are good at this as well. They are quick to let you know when they are happy, excited, playful, sad, angry, or hurting. They don’t hesitate to jump in your lap if they want a hug and need to snuggle. They are also quick to jump down and start playing again when their needs are met.
What happens to us as we grow up? Somewhere along the way our perceptions and beliefs seem to get in the way of our authentic selves. In a past blog post I talked about how our perceptions and beliefs can lead to hurt and unhappiness. I shared two examples; one time I got in trouble and the other my feelings were hurt because of my perceptions of the situations. No one tried to hurt me. In fact my grandmother and father didn’t even know that it had happened. It was all “my story,” “my perception,” “my beliefs,” ” my actions,” and ultimately just “my experience” of the situations.
I remember another time when my perception of what was said and my choice of actions came back to bite me . . . . AGAIN!
I was a teenager in High School. There was a Ski Resort about an hour from our home. All my friends started going skiing on Saturday during the winter. My best friend ask me to go skiing with her. She had all the details worked out including having her Dad drive us up to the resort. Wow, this sounded fun and I was excited for this new adventure. I went to my Dad and ask him if I could go. He made a quick comment something like, “skiing is kind of expensive” and “it could be dangerous.” He didn’t say no. He wasn’t upset that I had ask. Looking back now, I recall it more as just a passing comment. But in that moment I formed a belief based on his comment and made a choice that came back to haunt me. I told my friend, “no” that I couldn’t go skiing with her. She was very disappointed and tried to talk me into going. I stuck to my decision and didn’t go. Over and over that year she ask me to go, telling me how much fun they were having, but I always told her no. I never mentioned it to my Dad again. He had no idea that I kept being invited to go skiing. I just kept turning down the invitations based on his brief comment and the perception I had formed.
My perception at that point in my life was:
- I want to be obedient
- I don’t want to make any waves and cause trouble
- It is important to work hard and sacrifice to please those who are in authority
- I thought by staying home I was pleasing my Dad.
I don’t remember being upset about not going skiing. I was content because I was doing what I thoughtwould make my Dad happy.
A few years later my beliefs were challenged (big time!) . . . . My younger siblings got ski gear and ski passes for Christmas! I exclaimed to my Dad, “Why did they get ski passes and you didn’t let me go skiing?” He answered, “I didn’t tell you that you couldn’t go skiing. You could have gone skiing if you wanted to.” At this point I was flooded with feelings of regret and disappointment. I had unnecessarily missed out on having fun and making memories with my friends. That was a great life lesson for me in communication (or the lack of it!)
You might ask why I am being so transparent and vulnerable sharing these personal stories with you.
I hope it will get you thinking about your thoughts, beliefs and actions. How are they showing up in your life? What makes you happy? What do you want to create in your life? Are you getting the results you want out of life? If so, good for you! If not, what are you going to change? Do you get it that you can literally have anything that you want in this life?
I have learned since my youth that I absolutely create my life. My thoughts, perceptions and beliefs lead to my choices and actions. If I do not like a result that I get in life, I can choose again to have what I do want. I accept full responsibility for my life.
In case you are wondering, as an adult I have gone snow skiing, and yes, it was fun! Some of the other fun things I have chosen to do are: go para-sailing, swam with the dolphins, skydiving, and walked on fire.
I am also learning to ask to have my emotional needs met. So, if you ever see me and I walk up and ask you for a hug, don’t be surprised. Some days I just need a hug!
You’ve heard what I have to say, now I would LOVE to hear your comments. They can be about this blog post, or another topic you would like me to write about. Please comment below and then subscribe to my blog. This way you will never miss any of my posts!
Hugs,
Lynette
